Very In Trouble (Listening to: Nugget, Cake)

I went out last night with Salamander, her boyfriend, and this guy who I guess we can call England Boy. He used to go to my school but he is doing a year in England and was back for winter break. My parents don't let me drive with teen drivers though, so I had to lie in order to leave with them.
Last year, when my friends started driving and I wasn't allowed to come, I started being left out of things we all did together, and I began to grow apart from them. I was miserable. I didn't have a best friend for the first time since I could remember. My friends started talking about me. It was easy, I guess, because I wasn't there. And I understand that some of the time it was because I overloaded my schedule and I was too busy to see anyone. But a large part of it was that there wasn't a way for me to get around and see them. And I have learned better than anything in the past year that when a friendship becomes an effort, no one wants to put the work in.
I started lying about the driving, saying someone's parents were driving me home. I tried to negotiate with my parents but they aren't the best at listening. And I've tried to explain the effect their rules have on my friendships, but it's one of those things where no one is going to agree because we are coming from fundamentally different premises and there's not a lot we can negotiate on. Really, what's happening is that my parents are making me choose between my friendships and their rules. Which really isn't a choice at all.
But we were driving around, and I lied to my parents and told them I was with my other friend Carmen San Diego, which was more logical since I was with Salamander and her boyfriend and England Boy on New Years.
My parents are never really around. They have a lot of rules, but they don't enforce them. They tell me I can't go out for a run after dark, and then they leave. I walk right out the front door and am back before they are. They tell me I can't watch more than an hour of television a day, but they aren't home. I turn on the tv and watch what I want. They tell me I can't drive with kids my age, but they don't check to see if I go where I say I do. I lie to them over the phone and get into cars with teens behind the wheels. They're lucky I do my homework, keep my grades up, and only tried weed for the first time on New Years. They're lucky I don't abuse their lack of parenting more. I don't think they understand that.
And maybe I should have respected that freedom. But really, it's not freedom. If I followed all their rules I wouldn't have a life and I wouldn't have friends. I cannot imagine a world where anyone I know would be able to follow them all.
We were all drinking at England Boy's apartment. Salamander and her boyfriend were making out, and I was looking at the view, and then England Boy and I ended up hooking up. I figured if I was home before midnight my parents might be ticked I hadn't called, but I wouldn't be in serious trouble. In the car on the way home, I heard my phone ringing. I picked up, and it was my dad. He had called Carmen's parents and knew I wasn't over there. I didn't have time to think of anything else to say, so I told the truth. I was in the car with Salamander and her boyfriend was driving.
I was still drunk. Salamander's boyfriend hadn't been drinking and we weren't breaking any laws other than the underage drinking one. But the driving was totally legal. Salamander's boyfriend is 18 and there were only three passengers in the car.
Astonishingly my parents didn't notice I was falling down drunk when I came home. I apologized a lot but tried to explain why I had to break their rules. The thing I actually do regret is worrying everyone. I should have just said I was with Salamander. Her parents knew we were hanging out and they would have told my parents that. But I guess I wasn't thinking, and I fucked up. It's the first time I've been caught doing anything bad, and my parents do not trust me at all anymore.
I hope they ground me for a few months and that can be it. I want to go to the RISD precollege art school program this summer, and it's expensive. My parents were reluctant to let me go anyways because it is so expensive. It's likely that they won't ground me for very long but they will tell me there is no way they can trust me for six weeks across the country with little adult supervision.
I could deal with a grounding anyway, it's not like I have time to go out after break is over anyway. Not with the play, Speech and Debate, and American Studies. And RISD would be an amazing experience for me. I hope they ground me.